I have always felt split between two worlds; one the “real world” where I make a living and act like a grownup. A school persona for university, a professional face for work, a domestic face for home life.

Layer upon layer of faces until I no longer knew what was at the core of my being.

The other world was a world of spirit. A world where as a priest I worked and celebrated with people on a continuum from the best to the worst times of their lives. As a priest and clinician in the same village these worlds would intertwine at times and make that split less noticable but always there was a gap. When circumstances changed it was that gap that led me to start a practice of Soto zen.

The Dharma that I was learning helped me to start to understand that most people live an illusion of life; manufacturing faces for every situation and building layers and layers of crap that obscures their (my) true nature.

The more I sat, the more I realized that this gap was an illness.

For me, receiving the precepts was akin to taking antibiotics. It was a great first step, a course of treatment that would bring me back to baseline.

But I need to go deeper! I need to keep peeling away those layers and to merge with Dharma until only Dharma remains.

I would like to continue and learn the skills needed to perhaps even someday be able to share what I learn with others and contribute to bringing the practice into future generations.

Ultimately, either way, I am incredibly grateful to my teacher and those who came to serious practice before me and continually share their wisdom through word and example.